Thursday, January 18, 2018

My New Years Resolution

I’ve never felt the need to use spellcheck in any of my writings. Somebody suggested I start using it this year. I guess I wull.

Checking The Mail

Do any of you have to pause and think before you walk out to the mail box? “Now was that today or yesterday when I last got the mail?” Then it really throws me for a loop if I go out to the mail box in the morning to mail a letter. I can’t ever remember if I last took mail out or brought mail in. Getting senior is a riot.

Christmas Every Day

I do most of my shopping on Two days later a box is at my door. The trouble is, I can’t ever remember what I ordered two days prior. So, every time I open a new box, it’s a big surprise.

Maybe I should request all of my orders be gift wrapped, so that when I open a box, I’ll think it is Christmas again. Because the rate at which I am aging, soon I won’t even know what day it is.

Seniors New Years Eve Party

went to a seniors new years party
looking forward to staying up late

dinner was over and to my surprise
everybody left, it was over by eight

My Yellow Ferrari

a lady from Nantucket
ordered a Ferrari on unlimited budget
of course she ordered it Ferrari red
and performance tires with no tread

waited three months for it to be built
her patience was about to wilt
she couldn’t wait for it to arrive
ready for that high speed drive

flew over to see her new toy
rolled it out and she lost her joy
she ordered red but this was yellow
to get red you must be a fellow

Ferrari won’t sell red to a female
she traveled to Germany on high speed rail
bought a red nine eleven
now she’s in sports car heaven

"Looking For Our Newspaper"

during the middle of Grayson nor’easter
snow level approaching a meter

no traffic was seen all day
even the plows can’t make their way

a family out front looking around
digging holes down to the ground

when asked the reason for their caper
“We’re looking for today’s newspaper!”

From Red Light To Every Night

found her on the street
she looked like such a treat
mini dress way up to here
could almost see her rear

had to pick her up
she looked so good to sup
we fell in love that first night
I was mister right

decided to get hitched
hope I don’t get ditched
soon she was my lovely bride
now the knot is tied

the perks are good
it’s understood
my Cialis bill is high
she is far from shy

forget doing the dishes
I like the way she kisses
I come home each day by three
she’s waiting there for me

she’s done no work
she drives me berserk
she sits around the house all day
there’s always time for play

she’s worth it tho
she doesn’t sew
makes it up in other ways
she has me in a daze

there’s only one prob
need a second job
can’t afford my cialis bill
she needs me on that pill

Super Bowl Classified Ad

bought Super Bowl tickets a year ago
$2500 is what I paid
they're on the 50 half way up
can see each snap that will be played

didn't know then about my wedding
she set it on the date of the game
she's five foot six, blond hair, blue eyes
and Christie is her name

she's 36/24/36
very sweet with a beautiful face
just call *wed
if you'd like to take my place

Thursday, January 11, 2018

Sex At 75

shuffled out to my mail box
received a flier from AARP
it said I could have sex at 75
my first reaction was “yippee”

I live at 73
so the sex is right next door
I can’t cross the street these days
so I’m glad it’s not 74