Thursday, January 11, 2018

Sex At 75

shuffled out to my mail box
received a flier from AARP
it said I could have sex at 75
my first reaction was “yippee”

I live at 73
so the sex is right next door
I can’t cross the street these days
so I’m glad it’s not 74

Friday, December 22, 2017

Electric Lawn Mower Repair Job

my son was mowing our lawn
with our plugin electric mower
it went on and off, on and off
it couldn’t be much slower

he called me over to see what was wrong
I looked around and began to tinker
I discovered why it wouldn’t stay on
he plugged into our Christmas light blinker

Monday, December 11, 2017

Auto-Correct Ain’t No Smarter Than Me

every time I start to write
it tells me what to say
who are you to change my words
i can’t write on this way

before I “Send” I must look twice
or trouble it could be
auto-correct I’ve turned you off
you ain’t no farter than me

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Wind Turbine

Renewable energy is my plan
This Earth Day doing all I can
Everybody knows I'm a big fan

Grandma's Mulberry Tree

Grandma said
Don't climb my tree
See knows I
Like mulberry tea

After school
I stopped here first
Had to stop
To quince my thirst

Grandma had
The biggest tree around
Berries too ripe
When they fell to the ground

Grandma asked
Did you climb up high
Why do you ask
I said real shy

Show me your tongue
Tricky little boy
It never helps
To be so coy

Happiness

If you think you have it all
Then you probably do
Matters not what others think
It's all about you

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Our Dog "Jake"


We've enjoyed nine great years
Now his memory brings on tears

A joy to us, a comfort to many
Won't be forgotten, memories a plenty

He had a great life and traveled afar
Want to learn, just read his memoir

Played by oceans left and right
Ran in circles with all his mite

A nursing home therapy dog
Went room to room with his monologue

Came to us in the night
To tell us of his fatal plight

Licked my nose woke me from sleep
Laid beside me in a heap 

He licked my hand one last time
As if to say, "I now resign"

His breaths were shallow and movements slow
Held him close, my love to show

Awakened Kim to bid farewell
Length of time I couldn't tell

We cuddled in and spoke our love 
Gave our thanks to The Man above

He will be missed most every day
In our hearts he will stay

His friends still come to our door
To visit the one that they adore

"Sugar booger", "Sweetie pie"
"Honey bunny" were all his ally

We sometimes called him "Jakebrake"
But his name was simply "Jake"

David Rose

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Joyce's Answered Prayer

In ICU through 10 days of hell
My husband is ill not doing very well

His heart has failed two times so far
A stroke and bleed has raised the bar

The man I have known and loved is gone
His heart and lungs might last till dawn

But four full days we watch and wait
For him to reach his final fate

Must handle his organs with timely care
The final part of him that he could share

Day five he's getting very weak
Things are looking very bleak

Dear friends at hand to offer support
Tired and werry they refuse to abort

A vigil of anguish to view him this way 
Can't endure another day

Dear God, "I truly want to state
Gratitude for enjoying Les as my mate"

"If it's Your will please take him now
Or restore him to health with a miracle somehow"

"Please give me comfort in his place
In the future that I have yet to face"

Gods answer to prayer was plain to see
As the feeling of peace came over me

His damaged brain did no longer connect
His vital signs would immediately reflect

From his death the blind will see
With organs to help a total of three

After death he still helps others
Offering help to his sisters and brothers

Thank you God for Your answer to prayer
Immediate answers seem so rare

What Letter Is It?

There is a letter that is so keen
We use it but it can't be seen
It starts the count within a word
Sound it out it can be heard 

It shows itself for all to see
Comes before the number three
It's silent but we write it still
Solve it if you have the skill

David Rose

Friday, January 2, 2015

One More Empty Christmas

Christmas alone can be depressing for some. 

With no family around the season is a real bum.

I'll just get on the telly and ring up a female chum.

We'll cuddle up by the fireplace and open some rum.

Won't take us long we'll both feel completely numb.

To one more empty Christmas we will succumb.



This was written for a contest utilizing the word prompt: "alone".

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Guilty Doctor Seeks Counseling

Patient: "I'm a doctor and I feel guilty
for sleeping with one of my patients."

Psychiatrist: "You're not the first doctor to sleep
with a patient and won't be the last I'll bet."

Patient: "Yeah, but I'm a vet."

One More Empty Christmas

Christmas alone can be depressing for some. 
With no family around the season is a real bum.

I'll just get on the telly and ring up a female chum.
We'll cuddle up by the fireplace and open some rum. 

Won't take us long we'll both feel completely numb. 
To one more empty Christmas we will succumb.

Monday, December 1, 2014

A Senior Visits The Doctor

Doctor:
"You have high cholesterol,
and short term memory loss."


Patient:
"I know that,
but do I have high cholesterol?"
 

Triple A The Mexican Way



I had a flat tire today.
My spare was far away.

My buddies gave me a hand.
The dumbest guys in the land.

I drove it up on two tires.
OK until another expires.

I think you'll have to agree.
We make a good Darwin Award nominee.

Headed To Burger King



headed to Burger King
thinking about a
Whopper, fries and shake

vegeburger, apples and water
are all I take

don't even get mayo or cheese
 it's my arteries I want to please

A Mental Workout

Writing for a contest is 
like going to the gym,
except it's my mind
that stays in trim.

Today's Education

i love collage.

A Hidden Welcome



Never felt welcome
when I walked in the front door.
Always felt threatened
when I came to the Walmart store.

I found out why
the other day.
Beware of the greeters
they will blow you away. 

Until I Can Transcend



I'm just biding my time, 
here on this old earth, 
until I can transcend, 
to my new home and rebirth. 

(Written for a contest utilizing the word "transcend" in 20 words only.)

A Lifetime Of Lies

Yes santa is real. 
The park is closed. 
We're almost there. 
Finish your soup. There is a prize at the bottom. 
I'm coming back there. 
Spinach will put hair on your chest. 
Be home by dark. The boogie man will get you. 
Finish your plate. African children are starving. 
Santa is watching you. 
I will lower taxes. 

Three Rejects

Went to my local ATM, 
to deposit a bunch of checks. 

Most were accepted, 
but I had three rejects. 

Noticed something about them, 
that was interesting to me. 

All three rejects, 
were from the US Treasury. 

(A true story)

Driving The Wrong Way


Was out driving today. 
Wife called to warn a car is driving the wrong way. 
"No." I said. "It's not just one." 
"There are many bad drivers out here hon." 

Even When A Sparrow Falls

We are all the same in God’s eyes,
young, old and unborn.
God cries when any of His creatures dies.
Even when a sparrow falls, He will mourn.


(Written for a contest utilizing only 28 words)

My Whole Life Is In There



Owned an iPhone since day one. 
Use it for more than just having fun. 

Read The Holy Bible every day. 
All my bills I can pay. 

Listen to my tunes all day long. 
Just speak to find my favorite song. 

Always know the temp and time. 
Set the alarm to hear a chime. 

Have someplace to go? 
A voice will guide you to and fro. 

Transfer money bank to bank. 
Can email my buddy Hank. 

Open a radar to check the weather. 
Keep my passwords all together. 

My whole life is in there. 
I can back it up and have a spare. 

This is a device I’m proud to own. 
Oh yeah, did I mention it’s also a phone?