My New Years Resolution

I’ve never felt the need to use spellcheck in any of my writings. Somebody suggested I start using it this year. I guess I wull.

Checking The Mail

Do any of you have to pause and think before you walk out to the mail box? “Now was that today or yesterday when I last got the mail?” Then it really throws me for a loop if I go out to the mail box in the morning to mail a letter. I can’t ever remember if I last took mail out or brought mail in. Getting senior is a riot.

Christmas Every Day

I do most of my shopping on Amazon.com. Two days later a box is at my door. The trouble is, I can’t ever remember what I ordered two days prior. So, every time I open a new box, it’s a big surprise.

Maybe I should request all of my orders be gift wrapped, so that when I open a box, I’ll think it is Christmas again. Because the rate at which I am aging, soon I won’t even know what day it is.

Seniors New Years Eve Party

went to a seniors new years party
looking forward to staying up late

dinner was over and to my surprise
everybody left, it was over by eight

My Yellow Ferrari

a lady from Nantucket
ordered a Ferrari on unlimited budget
of course she ordered it Ferrari red
and performance tires with no tread

waited three months for it to be built
her patience was about to wilt
she couldn’t wait for it to arrive
ready for that high speed drive

flew over to see her new toy
rolled it out and she lost her joy
she ordered red but this was yellow
to get red you must be a fellow

Ferrari won’t sell red to a female
she traveled to Germany on high speed rail
bought a red nine eleven
now she’s in sports car heaven

"Looking For Our Newspaper"

during the middle of Grayson nor’easter
snow level approaching a meter

no traffic was seen all day
even the plows can’t make their way

a family out front looking around
digging holes down to the ground

when asked the reason for their caper
“We’re looking for today’s newspaper!”

From Red Light To Every Night

found her on the street
she looked like such a treat
mini dress way up to here
could almost see her rear

had to pick her up
she looked so good to sup
we fell in love that first night
I was mister right

decided to get hitched
hope I don’t get ditched
soon she was my lovely bride
now the knot is tied

the perks are good
it’s understood
my Cialis bill is high
she is far from shy

forget doing the dishes
I like the way she kisses
I come home each day by three
she’s waiting there for me

she’s done no work
she drives me berserk
she sits around the house all day
there’s always time for play

she’s worth it tho
she doesn’t sew
makes it up in other ways
she has me in a daze

there’s only one prob
need a second job
can’t afford my cialis bill
she needs me on that pill

Super Bowl Classified Ad

bought Super Bowl tickets a year ago
$2500 is what I paid
they're on the 50 half way up
can see each snap that will be played

didn't know then about my wedding
she set it on the date of the game
she's five foot six, blond hair, blue eyes
and Christie is her name

she's 36/24/36
very sweet with a beautiful face
just call *wed
if you'd like to take my place

Sex At 75

shuffled out to my mail box
received a flier from AARP
it said I could have sex at 75
my first reaction was “yippee”

I live at 73
so the sex is right next door
I can’t cross the street these days
so I’m glad it’s not 74

Electric Lawn Mower Repair Job

my son was mowing our lawn

with our plugin electric mower

it went on and off, on and off
it couldn’t be much slower

he called me over to see what was wrong
I looked around and began to tinker
I discovered why it wouldn’t stay on
he plugged into our Christmas light blinker

Auto-Correct Ain’t No Smarter Than Me

every time I start to write

it tells me what to say

who are you to change my words

i can’t write on this way

before I “Send” I must look twice

or trouble it could be

auto-correct I’ve turned you off

you ain’t no farter than me

Comfort Level

If you think you have everything,
then you probably do.

Wind Turbine

Renewable energy is my plan

This Earth Day doing all I can

Everybody knows I'm a big fan

Grandma's Mulberry Tree

Grandma said

Don't climb my tree

See knows I

Like mulberry tea

After school

I stopped here first

Had to stop

To quince my thirst

Grandma had

The biggest tree around

Berries too ripe

When they fell to the ground

Grandma asked

Did you climb up high

Why do you ask

I said real shy

Show me your tongue

Tricky little boy

It never helps

To be so coy

Happiness

If you think you have it all

Then you probably do

Matters not what others think

It's all about you

Our Dog "Jake"

We've enjoyed nine great years

Now his memory brings on tears

A joy to us, a comfort to many

Won't be forgotten, memories a plenty

He had a great life and traveled afar

Want to learn, just read his memoir

Played by oceans left and right

Ran in circles with all his mite

A nursing home therapy dog

Went room to room with his monologue

Came to us in the night

To tell us of his fatal plight

Licked my nose woke me from sleep

Laid beside me in a heap 

He licked my hand one last time

As if to say, "I now resign"

His breaths were shallow and movements slow

Held him close, my love to show

Awakened Kim to bid farewell

Length of time I couldn't tell

We cuddled in and spoke our love 

Gave our thanks to The Man above

He will be missed most every day

In our hearts he will stay

His friends still come to our door
To visit the one that they adore

"Sugar booger", "Sweetie pie"

"Honey bunny" were all his ally

We sometimes called him "Jakebrake"

But his name was simply "Jake"

David Rose

Joyce's Answered Prayer

In ICU through 10 days of hell

My husband is ill not doing very well

His heart has failed two times so far

A stroke and bleed has raised the bar

The man I have known and loved is gone

His heart and lungs might last till dawn

But four full days we watch and wait

For him to reach his final fate

Must handle his organs with timely care

The final part of him that he could share

Day five he's getting very weak

Things are looking very bleak

Dear friends at hand to offer support

Tired and werry they refuse to abort

A vigil of anguish to view him this way 

Can't endure another day

Dear God, "I truly want to state

Gratitude for enjoying Les as my mate"

"If it's Your will please take him now

Or restore him to health with a miracle somehow"

"Please give me comfort in his place

In the future that I have yet to face"

Gods answer to prayer was plain to see

As the feeling of peace came over me

His damaged brain did no longer connect

His vital signs would immediately reflect

From his death the blind will see

With organs to help a total of three

After death he still helps others

Offering help to his sisters and brothers

Thank you God for Your answer to prayer

Immediate answers seem so rare

What Letter Is It?

There is a letter that is so keen

We use it but it can't be seen

It starts the count within a word

Sound it out it can be heard 

It shows itself for all to see

Comes before the number three

It's silent but we write it still

Solve it if you have the skill

David Rose

One More Empty Christmas

Christmas alone can be depressing for some. 

With no family around the season is a real bum.

I'll just get on the telly and ring up a female chum.

We'll cuddle up by the fireplace and open some rum.

Won't take us long we'll both feel completely numb.

To one more empty Christmas we will succumb.

This was written for a contest utilizing the word prompt: "alone".

Guilty Doctor Seeks Counseling

Patient: "I'm a doctor and I feel guilty

for sleeping with one of my patients."

Psychiatrist: "You're not the first doctor to sleep

with a patient and won't be the last I'll bet."

Patient: "Yeah, but I'm a vet."

One More Empty Christmas

Christmas alone can be depressing for some. 

With no family around the season is a real bum.

I'll just get on the telly and ring up a female chum.

We'll cuddle up by the fireplace and open some rum. 

Won't take us long we'll both feel completely numb. 

To one more empty Christmas we will succumb.

A Senior Visits The Doctor

Doctor:
"You have high cholesterol,
and short term memory loss."

Patient:
"I know that,
but do I have high cholesterol?" 

Triple A The Mexican Way

I had a flat tire today.
My spare was far away.

My buddies gave me a hand.
The dumbest guys in the land.

I drove it up on two tires.
OK until another expires.

I think you'll have to agree.
We make a good Darwin Award nominee.

Headed To Burger King

headed to Burger King

thinking about a

Whopper, fries and shake

vegeburger, apples and water

are all I take

don't even get mayo or cheese

 it's my arteries I want to please

A Mental Workout

Writing for a contest is 

like going to the gym,

except it's my mind

that stays in trim.